On March 15th, 2018 My Mother died. Myself, My Dad, Lisa, Shawn Liam & Lola were present for her last moments. It all went so fast. She began not eating on Saturday and by Wednesday she was dead. I'm not sure what exactly caused her death. The fact she was ready, a silent UTI, the dementia or a combination of all the above? I'm waiting to see what the death certificate shows officially but it's not like were doing an autopsy.
Today is Sunday and I've been fighting what I think is influenza B now all week. I think Chase brought it home and now it's hit J extremely hard. Being exhausted isn't helping emotionally but after sleeping yesterday I am feeling better today. I hope that's the last of it. Watching J suffer though is really difficult for me since I could really use being able to lean on him instead. The secretions and cough he's experiencing keep reminding me of Mother's last days and final moments. I wish I could turn it off but it is what it is. Today is harder than when we made her arrangements. I realize that the reason I want to see her and feel a deep need to see her, is because it's all that I have left of her. Even though I realize she's gone and it's only her physical body it still looks like her. I need to prepare myself too and it's going to take a few days to process. We cannot see her until tomorrow I found out so it's more of the waiting game. The hair dresser has to make her look pretty first and she can't do that until tomorrow morning. Thankfully My Dad is ready to go with me then to see her after we go pay for the grave opening. My sister is not ready to see her. The last thing I want is to be a blubbering idiot the day of visitation, greeting all of her friends paying their respects. Being prepared will help with that. At least I hope so.
Sunday, March 18, 2018
Thursday, February 8, 2018
Six and Three Quarter Months
Mother has been at WestBrook Acres now nearly 7 months. It doesn't seem possible. She never wanted to be in a nursing home but there are many things in life we never want to happen, yet it does. Unfortunately right now the flu is full bloom everywhere including one case in the dementia unit. Therefore family & friends are discouraged from visiting. That's been going on now for almost 2 weeks. Ironically the staff tells us that she seems to be coping well but I'm sure she's really missing my Dad. I know he's missing her. If he were to get it or bring it in though that could kill her. They've already given all residents Tamiflu, as a preventative, in case others catch it due to numerous positive cases in the main area of WBA.
My Dad's brother David passed away about 3 weeks ago due to complications of COPD & pneumonia. My cousin Hannah is now left to grieve in their rental house alone with her Dad's dog. She had been taking care of him for the last couple years as his emphysema deteriorated. Her brother Adam is a good guy but is of no help really since he's a convicted felon for drugs and recovering addict. He's also quite co-dependent in his current relationship. Dad is helping her though a bit financially until the life insurance comes in and I think she'll get through it in time.
Chase, My youngest, is believed to have Dysthymia. Persistent Depression it's also known as. My therapist has suspected him having it for quite some time when she saw him and it's only progressed. It's really affecting our family, his school and his relationships with friends, family. He refuses to get help though and he's 17 1/2. My therapist tells me I should force him to at least see his pediatrician and see if they can get him to agree to medication. He admits to me he has depression and anxiety but that he can handle it. Yet his anger has erupted to the point where he throws things including his phone. Once at the couch but missed and broke the picture window. He's now having to replace the $600 it costs to fix. He's not getting up for school, claims he has insomnia yet when he gets to sleep finally he doesn't wake up and stays in bed for long periods of time especially on weekends. He's withdrawn. He doesn't think that anyone likes him and that's he's naturally just a dick making it difficult to be happy or friendly. I'm in the process of convincing him to see the Doctor. I can't force him to take medication so I don't know that even going will make a change. I fear for him.
My cousin Meghann had a partial mastectomy the other day to remove breast cancer. She's recovering well at home now but I worry about her. She has to do chemo I believe but will not need radiation. I hope that stays true because that is what we think brought on Mother's dementia. They radiated her brain though as a preventative without really realizing that it was also cooking her brain at the same time. And though it could bring about these things 'down the road' they were told, who knew it was only 5 years before she was in full blow Dementia. Making one wonder if the preventative was more lethal than the disease. Either were terminal.
My Dad's brother David passed away about 3 weeks ago due to complications of COPD & pneumonia. My cousin Hannah is now left to grieve in their rental house alone with her Dad's dog. She had been taking care of him for the last couple years as his emphysema deteriorated. Her brother Adam is a good guy but is of no help really since he's a convicted felon for drugs and recovering addict. He's also quite co-dependent in his current relationship. Dad is helping her though a bit financially until the life insurance comes in and I think she'll get through it in time.
Chase, My youngest, is believed to have Dysthymia. Persistent Depression it's also known as. My therapist has suspected him having it for quite some time when she saw him and it's only progressed. It's really affecting our family, his school and his relationships with friends, family. He refuses to get help though and he's 17 1/2. My therapist tells me I should force him to at least see his pediatrician and see if they can get him to agree to medication. He admits to me he has depression and anxiety but that he can handle it. Yet his anger has erupted to the point where he throws things including his phone. Once at the couch but missed and broke the picture window. He's now having to replace the $600 it costs to fix. He's not getting up for school, claims he has insomnia yet when he gets to sleep finally he doesn't wake up and stays in bed for long periods of time especially on weekends. He's withdrawn. He doesn't think that anyone likes him and that's he's naturally just a dick making it difficult to be happy or friendly. I'm in the process of convincing him to see the Doctor. I can't force him to take medication so I don't know that even going will make a change. I fear for him.
My cousin Meghann had a partial mastectomy the other day to remove breast cancer. She's recovering well at home now but I worry about her. She has to do chemo I believe but will not need radiation. I hope that stays true because that is what we think brought on Mother's dementia. They radiated her brain though as a preventative without really realizing that it was also cooking her brain at the same time. And though it could bring about these things 'down the road' they were told, who knew it was only 5 years before she was in full blow Dementia. Making one wonder if the preventative was more lethal than the disease. Either were terminal.
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
5 months, 22 days
It's the second day of 2018. Mother has been living in WB Acres for 5 months and 22 days. She has gotten used to being there it seems but has good and bad days. Her cognitive state is pretty much the same. Short term memory is affected but she remembers things from her childhood. She recognizes everyone but has no real concept of time. Her Macular Degeneration appears to be holding steady so we are able to go 9 weeks between injections this time around. It's challenging though to get her to focus on keeping her eyes open and her head back for the numbing drops. Her focus is fleeting at best.
It was our first time celebrating the holidays with her not at home and I was quite anxious about how it would go. Thanksgiving didn't go so well. She really wanted to go home and it turned out we had to leave since she was just getting more and more upset at us. Christmas went better with us bringing goodies and dinner from home to share with about 5 of us privately in the facility conference room. She was the center of attention and got all the gifts we'd brought her. I had shutterfly make a book of many of our family members so that she could look at it when feeling lonely. She likes to look at pictures and seemed to enjoy the book. Dad bought her the most beautiful wool cardigan from Ireland that was especially warm and cozy. She looked lovely in it. Until the facility washed and DRIED it. It shrunk so badly she cannot even wear it. Needless to say we were not happy about this but what are you going to do. He went out and got her some less expensive cardigans instead that are washable but it's such a shame resident cannot have anything really nice without someone losing it, stealing it or destroying it. It's not just at this facility either that this is the case. We should have told them not to launder the sweater but it was an expensive lesson on our part at this point. I did buy her an inexpensive ring she can wear instead of her wedding rings just in case she lost them. So far it's still there!
I don't know what 2018 will bring in terms of her care or how things will go since we are still navigating one day at a time. I pray that whatever it is will keep her safe and my Dad can continue to be healthy enough to visit her 4 times a week. That is the only thing that truly makes her happy.
It was our first time celebrating the holidays with her not at home and I was quite anxious about how it would go. Thanksgiving didn't go so well. She really wanted to go home and it turned out we had to leave since she was just getting more and more upset at us. Christmas went better with us bringing goodies and dinner from home to share with about 5 of us privately in the facility conference room. She was the center of attention and got all the gifts we'd brought her. I had shutterfly make a book of many of our family members so that she could look at it when feeling lonely. She likes to look at pictures and seemed to enjoy the book. Dad bought her the most beautiful wool cardigan from Ireland that was especially warm and cozy. She looked lovely in it. Until the facility washed and DRIED it. It shrunk so badly she cannot even wear it. Needless to say we were not happy about this but what are you going to do. He went out and got her some less expensive cardigans instead that are washable but it's such a shame resident cannot have anything really nice without someone losing it, stealing it or destroying it. It's not just at this facility either that this is the case. We should have told them not to launder the sweater but it was an expensive lesson on our part at this point. I did buy her an inexpensive ring she can wear instead of her wedding rings just in case she lost them. So far it's still there!
I don't know what 2018 will bring in terms of her care or how things will go since we are still navigating one day at a time. I pray that whatever it is will keep her safe and my Dad can continue to be healthy enough to visit her 4 times a week. That is the only thing that truly makes her happy.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
Day 21
Yesterday, My Dad & I, took Mother to the eye doctor. She has Macular Degeneration and it was time for an injection in both eyes. If we don't do it she could lose her vision except for peripheral. She was up and ready when we got there and happy to see us. She didn't seem to remember that Dad was just there yesterday. We got her in the car with the gait belt but without much help really from her walking/turning, etc. Off we went. Unsure how things were going to go. I could already tell she was a bit irritable but wasn't sure why. She had these injections a few times in the past but she quite possibly could have just had anxiety. She was adamant that she NEEDED one of the Doctor's office pens so I finally gave her one hoping that would give her something to focus on. Wrong. Either way she was impatient and didn't care for the chitter chatter from the other patients in the waiting area. We kept assuring her it would soon be our turn and thankfully they got her in a room! We also were reminding her we were going out for a late lunch afterward but even that didn't seem to change her disposition.
The injections went well. The Doctor seemed quite concerned with the rapid rate of her cognitive decline but I assured him we had seen specialists already and it was a dementia diagnosis. Afterward Mother's eyes were quite sensitive to light and I wish we had remembered her sun glasses. We made it into the car again but she was obviously growing a bit tired because the transfer was even more difficult. She complains about being manhandled but then doesn't do anything to move though either so it's frustrating. Once inside Perkin's restaurant she as I anticipated struggled with making a decision. She has a real hard time recognizing the letters at the eye doctor on the chart I noticed but she can still read. It didn't help that she was having a hard time seeing after the injections too with the menu but the sheer amount of choices overwhelm her. She just becomes more irritable if she's offered suggestions. She fiddled with the gait belt, finally removing it entirely. She wasn't the right distance from the table no matter where we put her transport chair. She didn't want anything to drink but then wondered where her coffee and milk were. She had real trouble cutting her huge pork chop and then didn't care for it at all but tried then eating a piece of the fat that had been removed with her fingers. She ended up just eating the mashed potatoes and gravy, corn and piece of bread along with some of Dad's coffee. It was free pie day so we took her home a piece of caramel apple pie.
Once in the car she kept her eyes closed the entire time I'm assuming from the sun because she was constantly now trying to remove her sweater and pull the potty pad out from underneath her on the car seat. Which just pulled her down further in the seat. I kept trying to assure her she didn't want to do either of those things but she just told me to leave her be. Once back to WestBrook we put her immediately into her bed where she was ready to take a nap. I was told by the nurse that she had a restless night and got up on her own sometime late, tried using her walker I'm assuming to go to the bathroom or to attempt wandering, and fell on her bottom. Thankfully she wasn't hurt they said. My Dad & I think at this point we may be beyond transporting her ourselves and may well need to use a third party people rides service in 6 weeks when she goes back for another injection.
The injections went well. The Doctor seemed quite concerned with the rapid rate of her cognitive decline but I assured him we had seen specialists already and it was a dementia diagnosis. Afterward Mother's eyes were quite sensitive to light and I wish we had remembered her sun glasses. We made it into the car again but she was obviously growing a bit tired because the transfer was even more difficult. She complains about being manhandled but then doesn't do anything to move though either so it's frustrating. Once inside Perkin's restaurant she as I anticipated struggled with making a decision. She has a real hard time recognizing the letters at the eye doctor on the chart I noticed but she can still read. It didn't help that she was having a hard time seeing after the injections too with the menu but the sheer amount of choices overwhelm her. She just becomes more irritable if she's offered suggestions. She fiddled with the gait belt, finally removing it entirely. She wasn't the right distance from the table no matter where we put her transport chair. She didn't want anything to drink but then wondered where her coffee and milk were. She had real trouble cutting her huge pork chop and then didn't care for it at all but tried then eating a piece of the fat that had been removed with her fingers. She ended up just eating the mashed potatoes and gravy, corn and piece of bread along with some of Dad's coffee. It was free pie day so we took her home a piece of caramel apple pie.
Once in the car she kept her eyes closed the entire time I'm assuming from the sun because she was constantly now trying to remove her sweater and pull the potty pad out from underneath her on the car seat. Which just pulled her down further in the seat. I kept trying to assure her she didn't want to do either of those things but she just told me to leave her be. Once back to WestBrook we put her immediately into her bed where she was ready to take a nap. I was told by the nurse that she had a restless night and got up on her own sometime late, tried using her walker I'm assuming to go to the bathroom or to attempt wandering, and fell on her bottom. Thankfully she wasn't hurt they said. My Dad & I think at this point we may be beyond transporting her ourselves and may well need to use a third party people rides service in 6 weeks when she goes back for another injection.
Saturday, July 29, 2017
Day 17
Today I was going to stay home and do laundry. That was until I called to check on my Mom and my Dad put her on the phone to talk to me. She was crying because she thought I was dead. I immediately went up there and made sure she knew I was very much alive and there to see her. For some reason today she had a lot of anxiety and was weepy off and on even with my trying to redirect and distract her. She really misses her dog and wants it to be able to stay at WB with her. That isn't possible but trying to help her understand that is difficult. I even told her it was a state law! It worries me that once the dog is there visiting that she becomes more agitated when it's time to take Molly home. I'm torn on what is best for her. Dad's taking her there tomorrow though so we'll have to see how that goes.
We also talked about her own death since she was contemplating whether she'd actually wake up tomorrow. Unsure if she was ready or not she murmured. After having a bit of anxiety medication she began to calm. She then stated that she wasn't ready to go. I reminded her how she beat cancer's arse already so this wasn't going to get the better of her either. Reassuring her that even though she were there in WB we would be with her the whole way and she was not alone. You see she has a lot of baggage with people leaving her and now at her most vulnerable she's even more afraid and sure that we have to leave her too. My Dad isn't like that though. He's in it for the long haul and so am I. He's her final gift of security. The one that doesn't leave. I can relate to this.
We're learning a lot more about how to deal with dementia patients mentally & emotionally. The medication has seemed to help too. Now we have to get her more physically strong to walk around with her walker on her own. The toileting seems to be going better with the new antibiotic they prescribed for the urinary tract infection they FINALLY got a positive result on. My dad seems to think if she could be stronger we could possible bring her home. I'm uncertain. He also wishes she could move out of the dementia ward into the general population. I don't know if were just fooling ourselves or if it really is an option. Time will tell.
We also talked about her own death since she was contemplating whether she'd actually wake up tomorrow. Unsure if she was ready or not she murmured. After having a bit of anxiety medication she began to calm. She then stated that she wasn't ready to go. I reminded her how she beat cancer's arse already so this wasn't going to get the better of her either. Reassuring her that even though she were there in WB we would be with her the whole way and she was not alone. You see she has a lot of baggage with people leaving her and now at her most vulnerable she's even more afraid and sure that we have to leave her too. My Dad isn't like that though. He's in it for the long haul and so am I. He's her final gift of security. The one that doesn't leave. I can relate to this.
We're learning a lot more about how to deal with dementia patients mentally & emotionally. The medication has seemed to help too. Now we have to get her more physically strong to walk around with her walker on her own. The toileting seems to be going better with the new antibiotic they prescribed for the urinary tract infection they FINALLY got a positive result on. My dad seems to think if she could be stronger we could possible bring her home. I'm uncertain. He also wishes she could move out of the dementia ward into the general population. I don't know if were just fooling ourselves or if it really is an option. Time will tell.
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