A Weeks Worth Of Interest

It's been a long week and a short weekend but I'm pretty sure everyone can understand that feeling! Wouldn't it be great if America became more like other countries and we had A LOT more vacation time and weren't encouraged to work ourselves into the dirt?? Wishful thinking I know!
Fall weather for me brings about an impending feeling of depression and increased anxiety. I get these whelming urges to hibernate and dealing with social situations increases me anxiety. I've always had an amount of social anxiety though so I should be used to it by now. I've learned over the years to manage it for the most part but it still amazes me that it doesn't ever really go away. I keep thinking it's a phase and I'll grow out of it but by my age it's obvious that's probably not going to happen! -laughs-
Most of the time once I get going, like to work, I put up the professional front and plunge in and by busying myself it subsides a bit. Work these days are very stressful. Not knowing what the future will bring takes it's toll as more time passes by. My company recently sold off a large portion it's assets to one of it's competitors and my department is now being leased to them until they feel it no longer necessary. There is a slim chance they'll keep 2 of us maybe in the department if they feel it necessary but nothing is a given so it's hard to know what will become of any of it. Each couple weeks seems to bring another change with one of our other sites closing down and being absorbed into the new companies existing locations. This decreases the number of people we are billing so the need for my department becomes even more uncertain. The see sawing I think with people speculating makes it even worse and I have decided I need to stop engaging in their banter. Otherwise the feelings become overwhelming and I need to keep them managed in order to continue being productive. And that is my goal. I know I'll be fine either way but with today's economy it's a pretty scarey place to live on a daily basis. And I'm certain this is why my urge to isolate or to stay in the places I feel safe becomes magnified when mixed with my normal seasonal mood disorder.
My goal in sharing these very raw feelings and fears is not for sympathy nor just to complain. It's in hopes that others who may feel the same way are reminded they are not alone. And for the general public that doesn't experience such difficulties to perhaps be more understanding of our vulnerable state. And think twice if someone is not easily accessible or avoids interaction to realize it could very well be due to some of these types of emotional difficulties. I'm not a bitch if I avoid talking with you for very long in the grocery store or when walking down the street. I'm not just standoffish because I think I'm better then someone else. It's more apt to be that I am slightly broken inside and standing on shaky ground temporarily instead. Empathy is all that I'm really asking for. And an attempt at just understanding and accepting me for my silly, vulnerable, hyper emotional idiosyncrisis but hopefully without harsh judgement. Because if you can get past all of that and I can become more comfortable sharing with you then there's a lot I have to give. Which is also why the internet is such an important outlet for people like me. It allows me a safe haven to share without the anxiety I've described. For today I'm doing good. And love my life. Knowing monday is looming though still leaves me a bit uneasy in the back of my mind. Which is where I choose to put it right now and get back to relaxing with my wonderful husband! Hang in there world we'll get through it!! Til next time.