I really wish I had all the answers

Some days I think I got 'most' things under control. Other days I wonder if I have anything under control or understand anything anyone is saying or doing. I guess life's supposed to be like that. The ebb and flow with it's ups and downs and unknowns. Today I don't seem to be making much sense at all though. My thoughts, feelings and words come out all disjointed. Which does not make it any easier for others to understand what is going on in my mind. Which in turn just makes me more frustrated because I feel like I've somehow failed in communicating well and are left feeling like my thoughts really aren't that valuable.
I'm sure many things happening lately have brought about this vulnerability. Things like my car accident, the economy and it's continuing decline, my Father's recent car accident, his lack of responsibility, sane decisions and the chaos he continues to lay at my feet, my cousin Hannah's Mother dying last week and her funeral today, the idea that My own Mother's only a year younger then her and the questions it brings to mind about our own mortality, the never ending saga of Shawn not speaking to me and my constant inner dialogue wishing he understood I too could not wake up tomorrow, and wondering how he can find it acceptable to disrespect me with his silence especially after I've constantly tried to help him in every way I can. Including giving him nearly a grand that now is gone while he's right back where he started yet I still sent him his Christmas money even though he disowns me for not giving him cash when he wanted it to randomly take off on a bus to California without any sort of true plan or means to support himself! I just do NOT get it. And the more time that goes by the more angry and sad I become. Yet I fear enabling him by approaching him all wounded in order to be the bigger person and parent only to realize he thinks it's ok to treat me like shit once again! So here I sit. Confused, disjointed, frustrated, devastated and in a perpetual state of uncertainty as to what's the 'right' thing to do about him or about all the stupid, weak, rambling feelings I feeling.
I like it better when I feel like I got a handle on things. Like I've got everything down. It's all in place and I can handle whatever is thrown my way. Luckily this comes and goes. I don't like blogging about my weaknesses. I prefer to be positive and upbeat with words of depth and sometimes even wisdom! Tonight though I'm just tired, have PMS and try to remind myself that tomorrow is another day when I'll have a chance to feel less out of it.