Rain Rain Go Away

It's been a very dreary Sunday here in M'town. The light rain just seems to keep soaking everything and the lack of sunshine seriously puts in the mood to do nothing! Alas that's not on the agenda though so it was quite busy on the homefront. I've in the last few months begun baking my own breakfast muffins which are made with things like whole wheat flour, flax seed, applesauce and craisins. They've really worked well as a breakfast I can take on the go, is very filling for such a little guy along with my Crystal Light hunger satisfaction water bottle. It also helps A LOT to keep hunger at bay until the noon hour so I'm less apt to snack on things I do not need. I've baked 3 dozen today that I'll freeze and since I was entirely out to start my new week it was a necessity.

The guys have been helping with the laundry off and on. I'm prepping items that will be used in suppers this week so it saves time after work. I find it dangerous now for me to let myself get super hungry. It will inevitably lead to overeating for me. So if I eat no later then 6:30pm maximum I am doing good. Wednesday night we have a baseball game though and most likely it will not be until after 7 or 7:30pm before we will get to eat. I've settled on light beef franks that night so we can eat instantly upon arriving home. I tried the 98% fat free hot dogs but decided they did not curb my craving for real beef flavored hot dogs no matter how great the numbers looked. The light beef were very tasty and if I can reprogram myself to be satisfied with only 1 instead of the 2 I've always seemed to think I 'needed', then I'll be ahead of the game. I also made homemade salsa today to have with the ground turkey tacos and for later in the week for my taco salad lunch. It's been very helpful to me to write out the weekly menu of meals we'll be eating and posting it on the refrigerator. It's not only helpful for the guys to know what is planned or what Chase can have for a healthy snack, but in the morning it's quick and not having to think about what I'm going to have for lunch that day makes for a more relaxed morning.

As of this week I am now getting 6 different magazines that I'd signed up with for free! Frugal bloggers turned me onto the different magazine people that do periodic giveaways and I have to say it's turning out spectacular and saving me a bundle but keeping me up to date on healthy, current information! I also visited the library this week to get a new novel that saves me a bundle rather then buying them and I'm looking forward to saving on gas now that I'm not commuting all the way to Des Moines anymore. I am also quite pleased with some of the dessert items I've found now that are very satisfying to my sweet tooth but are low in fat, calories and help with portion control so that I avoid overeating when dishing it up myself. The Skinny Cow brand is fantastic! The new little cups of gourmet ice creams they make in things like chocolate fudge brownie, strawberry cheesecake or cone sundae taste very comparable to Ben & Jerry's and help me to feel less deprived of decadent foods I love. Their ice cream sandwiches are also similar in calories (about 150 each and 1.5-2grams fat) and come in various flavors. Hungry Girl pumpkin brownies are another substitute for my chocolate needs and even includes fiber so it's filling to my stomach longer. The things I'm finding most difficult to slash the calorie counts on are when eating out. Subway is always a good choice but you can only eat that so long before you go insane. Sit down restaurants are seriously laden with fat and calories in things you don't even realize. I've taken to eating half of the entree and substituting my own fat free salad dressings for theirs and always try to do my research before we go somewhere so I have a plan to keep from going over my self imposed 1200 calorie daily limit. I've also been walking at my am/pm breaks the last 3 weeks so that's helping increase my metabolism but I'm still not willing to seriously exercise enough to really melt off the pounds along with my food plan. I'm going to keep walking at my new position at NuCara and hope it isn't too difficult to fit into the office routine. I fear there is going to come a day in the not too distant future where the food plan isn't going to continue working without more exercise and I'm not looking forward to that. At the moment I have lost 22lbs since mid February. It's not easy that's for sure. My old mindset of overeating and allowing food to rule my every thought and activity is still quite prevalent in my mind but I feel like a soldier at war in battle, attempting to use the tools I've developed to stay diligent. I wish I could wake up one morning and no longer have the cravings or the need to fall back into compulsive habits but I've come to accept that will never happen. So why wish for something that's impossible. Especially because it's just so it is easier for me. God never promised life would be easy. I need to also let go of that mindset and not look back. Work is good, hard work is even better. Anything I value I've had to EARN the hard way and has stayed with me much longer and in a much deeper sense then anything I've been given freely. The irony of free will is it can be your own worst enemy and you will be at odds with the voices in your head because it comes with choice. And freedom of choice is something I am grateful for but I must continue to respect and earn that gift. For Today...I am a compulsive overeater in recovery and I'm grateful to God for the willingness to change.