Sleep, once here, can be so peaceful

     I can't seem to sleep tonight. I have to admit I'm number one, bored being home all day with no motivation to do anything. Wishing for quality interaction of some kind with an interesting mind to entertain me. Second, I am anxious and frustrated with the pain in my foot, unsure what to expect from starting physical therapy on Tuesday. Part of me really hopes this can fix it and part of me is unconvinced that it will and that surgery continues to loom as a last resort and terrifying option. I've been doing everything I'm supposed to with the night splint, ice, stretching, 2 injections, not working and never going barefoot but it is not improving in the least. I just don't get why it has to be me this is happening to. I can just hear Dr Phil saying 'well why not you' in my head. It's gotta be somebody. I know. Random thought alert.

     I'm going to dinner with my sister Friday evening but I really hope it doesn't just turn into a complain fest. My oldest son has turned our lives upside down and continues to do so but it's very complicated in his bi-polar fog. He refuses help, avoids his meds and basically is a bully to me. Therefore I cannot even interact with him after his last bullying attempt. He lives with Auntie and is really just a free loader but she can't put him out because he's family and tough love to her is very, very difficult. Not to mention that were all afraid of his violent outbursts so it's best to do it in small increments. I've tried everything to get him help over the last 4 years but it's come to the point where you cannot help someone who doesn't think he has a problem or that medication and therapy isn't the answer. We just keep hoping something will change but when I think about it, it just makes my stomach hurt and panic attacks ensue. So for now I keep my distance and she is trying to be 'tougher' by not doing things for him. I think that's all that I can write for now or I won't do anything but obsess about something I cannot change all night. Back to bed I go to read and see if sleep will finally find me.