Strangeness

I wonder if were the only ones feeling this way. My husband and I were talking about how we've been feeling the last few weeks. I said I felt like I was going through the motions day to day. I did'nt look forward to morning breaking and by evening I am exhausted mentally and emotionally. I was unsure of it's cause and I'd been trying to figure out why. Why am I feeling like this. Just not quite like myself. I decided that there wasn't anything horridly bad happening.

Yes the weather plays havoc with me often during this time of year. Yes work is quite stressful and uncertain. But nothing has really gotten considerably worse. I am doing everything I can to relax and nurture myself so why couldn't I shake it? So I kept thinking and mulling it over in my mind hoping that I'd have some sort of ephipheny. And in a way I suppose I did. Mi told me he too had been feeling very similar. He was angry about having to make a serious effort to pay down our credit card debt and has been trying very hard to be fiscally more responsible. But he wasn't sure why he was feeling angry about it. Afterall it was the right thing to do and in the not so distant future would make us more secure. He then realized it was more that he was annoyed by the question of whether it was really going to turn out that way. Work for him is equally as stressful and his behaviors often mirror my own so I started to realize after our discussion that it was more the sum of many things bringing us to this type of depression/anxiety. Not one of those things are usually devastating but when it's all combined with the daily barrage of our nations economy and it's growing volatile uncertainty, it subtley becomes more menacing. It's not even something we realize on a concious level is able to affect us this way. It's not like we watch the news 24/7 or are having ours or friends and families homes being mortgaged all around us. No it's more sublte then that.

It's in ever fiber of our society right now. It's in the election debates. It's at the grocery store and gas station every day the prices continue to rise further then we ever thought possible. It's in the comedic monolouges of our favorite television shows. The commercials for the presedential candidates flash between the scenes of tv movies we view for escapism making that an impossibility. It shows on the faces of our co-workers as they struggle to make ends meet and convince others to purchase their kid's school fundraiser candies and cookie dough. Or bitterness that is heard in the tone of former co-workers conversations with you at the grocery store you run into while shopping. And realizing their reality could so easily become your own at the drop of a hat. Especially since your own sibling's company, who has already been outsourcing work to Mexico now has you just 80 people away from permanent lay off after she's been there 10 years with perfect attendence!

IF these types of things can so easily become the reality that surrounds us, what else can happen too? That thought is terrifying to ponder. And one most of us try not to entertain for very long if at all. Which is why I'm flabbergasted by the way so much of this uncertain environment we are currently caught up in can bleed into your every thought, action, emotion and actions. The answer is I don't have an answer. I'm just going to forgive myself for feeling so crappy and not beat myself up when it's not easily let go. And remind myself that sooner or later This Too Shall 'have' To Pass! And in the meantime I'm going to just get through it like I have everything else that's sucked in my life. And not forget that I've survived A LOT worse. If only that was enough to make the daily ho hum go bye bye. But it's not so one day at a time....