Mine, Yours, Ours?

     I often think about how others affect me and my life. I think to myself how if others didn't have problems that include me that I would be happier. I wouldn't have to do things because of something going on in their lives. Then I thought well if I didn't have anything to worry about I'm sure I'd find something else in my own life that was making me anxious. Hence the fact I have an anxiety disorder. It doesn't matter what's going on, I am going to have anxiety in my life. Thankfully I am being treated for it with therapy and medication. It took me til later in my life to really address it professionally and it's pretty well controlled compared to before. But I have to be mindful of it and not blame others for bringing it on. Because like I said, it's me, not them.

     There are things I do for others that get me out of myself when they are having problems. I'm forced to focus on something other than my own inner spinning thoughts that can just increase my anxiety. Some is pretty stressful and I don't like it. Especially when it's dropped in my lap concerning my teenager and his bio father being at odds. They live together now and after 6 months it's beginning to get more difficult for them to get along. I've tried my darnedest to not get pulled into their own battles and keep telling them they need to work it out themselves. Especially since the ex is derogatory to me and yells at me. I've tried being supportive and to be there but it's to a point where I won't take the abuse when he's angry and I have no empathy when he's not. I learned recently that even when they say they're done and he no longer wants my son living with him, that I cannot be the one that even believes that. It was just a 'threat' I'm told even though I took it seriously and picked up my son. The next day they work through it and decide that's not what they want. Partially because my son likes the school district better. Either way I am not going to be pulled into it and made that clear to both of them I won't be answering if they try calling uncle again.

     It's also the third weekend in a row we have to go to my in-laws house because of my hubby's mom's illness. It's a 2-1/2 hour drive, we have to board our dogs and there's not really a lot we can do to help so it seems like another wasted weekend after a stressful week of working. Tonight though I remind myself to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. If it will help the family feel better then it's worth going and we just have to realign our minds to, were together, were enjoying our own company and it's hopefully (fingers crossed) going to be quiet for the most part. There's no one going to the dog show either this weekend in our breed so we aren't missing anything. We will pray that the February show will be better and we can attend. Until then, One day at a time for me.